Let me start by welcoming you to the new Juuust a Bit Outside.  I finally got the domain registered and, while the template is together, it is still a work in progress, as I would like to do some tweaking, but the template options available are subpar, and not necessarily the easiest to customize.  That said, let's move on with the post...

Back on Halloween, on the original version of Juuust a Bit Outside, I spoke about Jones Soda creating a limited edition five pack of football related flavors.  As you may or may not know, Jones broke the Coke and Pepsi stranglehold on non alcoholic beverage sales in professional sports venues this past offseason, striking a deal  with the Seahawks and Qwest Field to be the beverage du jour for the next few seasons.  This was a major victory for the small company, as being involved with a NFL franchise is big time exposure.  They even made NBC's "Football Night in America" pregame show where Keith Olbermann named the Seattle company the worst person in the NFL on October 14th:




Of course, since Tina's parents still live in the Seattle area, I had mentioned this collector's edition to her mom and said I wouldn't mind having a set to call my own should they run across it.  Well, seeing that this was two months ago, I promptly forgot about it and set it aside, as I was focused on the blogging more than anything else. 

Of course, when the UPS guy delivered my Christmas present from them last week, I still was completely oblivious as to what it might be.  Tina played coy and acted as if she had no earthly idea what her parents sent.  It happened to be that very five pack, which did come complete with a 12th man flag as well.  Now, I hate the Seahawks, but I love football, and enjoy soda.  Let's talk about the five pack a bit.  Better yet, let me allow a video clip of an employee of Jones and his brother and two friends tell the tale for you:




Apparently, Perspiration is even worse than it sounds, and that in itself was extremely bad.  Shawn Byrnes, director of premium wines for Chateau Ste. Michelle Winery in Washington, had this to say about it:  "Crystal clear, almost unnaturally devoid of color.  It doesn't just smell like sweat, it smells as if it were wrung from a jersey used for an entire week of two a days without laundering.  In a wine tasting, we would label this DNPIM, or do not put in mouth.  It's medium to full bodied, with, unfortunately, a lingering aftertaste.  Wow, it is nasty."

That alone should keep you from drinking it, provided the video didn't make you think twice.

Natural Field Turf:  "Dry with a medium body and a pleasant, Jolly Rancher green apple aroma.  The pronounced fresh grass flavor is like that of clippings in a mower bag. "

Who ever eats clippings from a mower bag?  Does this guy have some sort of issue?

Dirt:  "The murky brown color appears like stagnant pond water.  A bit more body than Natural Field Turf, but still relatively dry.  Expecting aromas of terroir, I instead got more root beer hard candy with a faint perfumy character in the background.  Some compost flavors, though it finishes surprisingly clean."

Now that's what I want to drink.  Something that looks like stagnant pond water with compost flavors.  I think I'll go shake some dirt out of the backyard and mix it in a glass of water.

Sports Cream:  "Cloudy with a chalky appearance, like a young white wine undergoing lees stirring, with the pronounced aromas of Icy Hot and general locker room in the background.  Full bodied and frankly sweet, it does have a nice menthol character to balance that a bit.  Its flavors include a waxiness that reminds me of candy lips."

Last I checked, Icy Hot is not for digestion.  Even considering something that has that smell would probably make life a bit difficult.  As for menthol, if you want that, go buy a pack of smokes.

Sweet Victory:  According to Jones, "the ultimate taste experience.  Only after you prove your dedication by drinking the other flavors are you worthy of a taste of Sweet Victory."
 
Byrnes had this to say:  "Cloudy like sports cream, but with a light robin's egg blue color.  Full bodied and very, very sweet.  Cotton candy aroma and flavor with hints of toffee and creme brulee in the background.  Aftertaste could induce hyperglycemia."

In other words, if you are even a borderline diabetic, expect a coma to come on.  If I want cotton candy, I would go to a carnival, not open up a bottle of soda.  Even more ironic, what do the Seahawks know about victory?  They've been to the Super Bowl once in franchise history, that two years ago when they were derailed by the Steelers 21-10.

All in all, it makes for a good conversation piece, and a collectors item.  I most certainly will NOT be consuming these flavors, as I feel that my health and well being is more important than attempting to prove something by chugging things that, arguably, are not necessarily fit for human consumption.  So kudos to Jones for breaking into the beverage world with the big boys, but thumbs down for concocting flavors that are noxious, and could possibly be mistaken for biological or chemical weapons.